Dam and Sean
by xxtheoneyoudreamaboutxx
Summary: crackfic. this is what happens when Dean and Sam meet the crazy chinese lady from freaky friday.


DAM AND SEAN

Sam was driving the Impala, when it pulled up outside the small Chinese restaurant. 'Dude, no' muttered Dean. 'Can't we have burgers?'

'We need change,' Sam stated, matter-of-factly.

'But I want a burger! You can't get that here- let's go to hooters.' Dean suggested. 'No!' Sam argued. 'We ALWAYS have burgers- besides I _like_ Chinese.'

'Well, I hate chinese!' 'No you don't,' 'Yes I do!' 'No you don't, your just saying that cause you want burgers!' Sam finished. 'But your not getting one. Not tonight.'

'But I want a burger!' Dean whined.

'Dude, grow up!' Sam rolled his eyes, as he stepped out of the car, and headed of the restaurant. Dean seriously considered, just for a moment, driving off and leaving his brother there… but then he realised Sam had the keys.

'Dammit!' he swore, as he reluctantly followed Sam.

'This table is good, yes?' smiled the chirpy young chinease waitress. 'Yeah thanks,' smiled Sam, making eye contact. Both boys sat down. 'Here is menu, what i get you today?' She offered, handing out the menus. Sam examined his. 'I'll have the sweet 'n' sour chicken please.' he turned to his brother. 'Dean?'

'I want a burger.'

'Just pick something off the dam menu.' Sam caoxed, with somewhat of a threatening tone.

'I want a burger.'

'C'mon Dean'

'I want a burger.'

'Dean, just pick something.'

'i want a burger.'

Sam sighed. 'Just get him...' he looked at the menu, 'udon.'

'okay, okay, you wait short time,' the young waitress smiled at them before disapearing towards the kitchen.

'Thats not burger.'

'Duh, Dean.' Sam said. 'At least your speach is becoming a little varied. Variety is good. Do you know what variety is?'

'Burger?' Dean asked, stupidly. 'I want a burger.'

'Why are you doing this Dean? Is it that time of the month again?'

'I'm not a fricken chick- unlike my little brother.' Dean snapped.

'You just contradicted yourself Dean. A female brother? That only kinda goes against definition.But YAY you fianally said something other than burger.'

'I still want burger, Sammy,' spat Dean.

'Dude, Dean? I'm am so sick of this shit! I hate burgers! I hate them, yet i put up with them. I eat them. Every. Single. Day. But I don't complain. Can't we have something different, just this once?'

'No Sammy.' Dean shot back. 'You? Not complain? You LIVE to complain. Your always "Dean dont do this" "Dean cant you be more that", "Dean pleassssse"' he mocked, in a fake, high whiney voice.'

'At least i know the meaning of personal hiegeine,' Sam told him.

'No, you just dont know the difference between lack of it, and just messy. Besides SAMANTHA, it just proves your feminimity.'

'Feminimity? i didnt know that was a word, Dean.'

'Your still a girl.'

'No YOUR a girl!'

'Oh, Sammy, would you like me to prove that i'm a man? i could you know.'

'No thankyou, Dean. Besides, i dont think anyone here wants to see your pathetic excuse for a dick.' Sam spat back.

'Pathetic?!' Dean scoffed. 'if you wanna go back to that bar, I'm sure Stacey, Bambi, AND Cloe would ALL say that it, and my skill, are anything but pathetic.'

'Oh, Dude, that was way too much information.'

'You start it, Sammy boy.'

'No, you and your fucking burger started it.'

'You want cookie?' interupted a foriegn voice. Both boys looked up to see a little old chinease lady, offering a silver tray that held two fortune cookies. She started to chat to the world in general, in chinese. Dean grabbed one, and shoved it straight into his mouth. Sam took his more hesitantly, as his older brother started to choke. Sam laughed, as he broke the cookie in his hand, and pulled a slip of paper out. 'The paper Dean,' Sam reminded him, waving it in his face. 'Son of a bitch!' Dean cursed after pulling the offending paper out of his mouth. 'Screw chinese.' He stormed out, and hid in his beloved Impala. In unison, although different locations, the two brothers read the fortune cookie papers aloud.

Sam woke up first, the next morning. Pulling himself out of bed, he stumbled into the bathroom. Their was a picture of Dean above the sink. 'Ass,' muttered the younger Winchester, looking down at the sink, and turning the tap on. _Wait,_ Sam thought. Their wasn't a picture of Dean. Duh. There was a mirrow. He looked up. He waved. Dean waved with him.

'Holy crap!' He ran out of the bathroom. 'DEAN!!!' he shook his brother.

'Dude, wake the hell up! Dean!' Sam's body rolled over. 'Just five more minutes, five more minutes.' Dean muttered.

'Dean, wake up!' Sam saw his own eyes slowly open, and focus. His face went from half asleep to confused to wide awake alarm in a moment. Dean sat up, grabbing for the hunting knife he kept under his pillow. 'Shapeshifter!!!!' he yelled, suddenly realising that it wasnt there.

'What the hell?!' he cursed, lunging at his little brother.

'Dean, it's me. Sam.' Sam told him, pushing the elder hunter off. 'Dude, look at yourself.' Dean looked down. He ran into the bathroom to see if the mirrow agreed with what he was seeing. He ran back out.

'Holy mother of FUCK! I'm- I'm-' he looked into his own eyes. 'Sammy?'

'Yeah, Dean?'

'Bitch?' Dean tried.

'Jerk.' Sam shot back, automaticly.

'What the fuck happened to us?!' Dean asked.

'We swapped bodys.' Sam said, pointing out the obvious.

'Yeah, but what the fuck!' Exclaimed the elder hunter.

'Yeah.' Sam agreed. 'And how the fuck?'

'But, man, seriously, what the fuck?!'

'No,' disagreed Sam. 'It should be "What the HELL"- it's more likely to be a force of hyell, that did this, not fuck.'

'The almighty force of Fuck,' laughed Dean. 'The sinister force that makes you come!'

Sam rolled his eyes.

'By the way, Dean, try looking for your knife under that pillow,' he pointed, 'That's where you put it, thats where you went to sleep- it was only your mind that swapped beds...'

Later, the two young hunters sat in the Impala, in a Drive-thru queue.

'Fortune Cookies!' Sam cried out suddenly, causing Dean's eyebrow to raise. He'd thought his little brother was asleep.

'Nightmare, Sammy? Attack of the killer fortune cookies?' He teased.

'No, Dean.' Sam corrected. 'Thats how we swapped- the fortune cookies!' The queue moved forward, and they found themselves at the window.

'Hi, how may I help you?' The young check out chick asked, and Dean grinned and flirted as he ordered. After they got their food, Dean handed Sam peice of paper with a mobile number on it.

'See, Sammy, even you could get a chick if you tried.'

'Just cause you dont notice, doesnt mean it doesnt happen.' Sam pointed out.

'But it is such a compliment to know that chicks dont just dig me for my mind.'

'Oh, Sammy,' Dean raised his eyebrow again. 'I always knew you had it in you. I guess your just shy.'

'I'm not shy!' Sam argued. 'Your just blind to anything that doesnt have tits when you drunk. Besides, unlike you, I dont wave every chick i do in your face.'

'Yeah well, i knew you couldnt be all that frigid if you were dating Jesica.'

'Dean, She wasnt a slut!'

'Yeah, well, whatever. lets park 'n' eat, and then, i never thought I'd say this but, lets get our asses back to that chinese place.'

'Dean wouldn't it be wiser to get all of use back, not just our asses?' Sam pointed out, just to annoy Dean.

'Shut it, Sammy.'

xXxxXxxXxx

The same young waitress smiled at them as they walked in. 'You want lunch? lets do lunch, now, yes?' She said cheerily.

'No.' Said Sam.

'We don't want lunch, we want you to reverse the cookie mojo thing.' Dean finished. She stopped smiling.

'Maaaaaaaamaaaaaaaaaa!' The little old chinese lady jumped.

'I clean toilet now.' She tried to hurry off.

'Maaaaaaamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!' The two ladys argued in chinese. The old lady looked grumpy, like a child whose just had it's candy confiscated, or told it had to stop playing. Suddenly the younger lady was standing next to them.

'I'm sorry, very sorry. Lets do lunch, now, yes?' She smiled.

'NO!' Sam and Dean cried in unison.

'We have burger- lets do burger?' She tried.

'No' Sam repeated, almost growling. She sighed.

'i cannot help you. Diddnt you read the paper? You must find the answer in yourselves and each other, then you will go back.'

They walked out and got back into the car. 'What are we gonna do about our- er- problem?' Sam asked, sitting shotgun.

'Shoot the old chinese lady, salt and burn the body?' suggest Dean.

'Nah, i think your already wanted for enough murders. And anyway, it probably wont work.' Sam pointed out. They drove to the tune of TNT by ACDC for several song. At around the 5th, Sam lost it.

'Can we change the damb song, already?' Sam snapped.

'No!' yelped Dean.

'Why?'

'Because.' Dean told him.

'Because why?' Asked Sam.

'Because i said so.'

'But whhhhhyyyy?' Sam whined.

'Beca-' The car jerked suddenly, as Dean swerved around a car that was suddenly on the wrong side of the road. 'Son of a bitch.' Dean swore, as he lost control of the Impala. They both screamed like girls, as the car went off the road, careering down the slope, into a wood, and into a tree.

'Dean?' Sam asked.

'Dean, are you okay?'

'Yeah, dude, you?' Dean asked his little brother.

'Think so.' He assured him.

'Dude what the hell happend?' Dean asked.

'Dunno- Dean, I'm sorry. I'v been acting like an ass.'

'Yeah i'm sorry, i was too. But the chick-flick moment stops now, before it gets too- well- girly.'

'Okay,' Sam grinned. The ground shook, for a few moments, then stopped.

The boys looked at each other.

'Squeeeeeeeeeeee!' They squeed together.

'We're back to normal!' Sam squeed.

'Well, as normal as we ever are.' Dean pointed out. His hand went straight to the croutch of his jeans.

'Whew, Jr's still there!' Dean declared.

'What a relief.' Sam said, rolling his eyes. [Sammy Jr would have an inspection later, when Sam was in the shower, as Dean wouldnt be there to whitness it.

'What do you think i would have done to it?' Asked the younger hunter. Dean's eyes went wide- but it wasnt at Sam's comment.

'My baby!' He cried, jumping out to inspect the damage done to the front of his beloved.

-END


End file.
